Susan L'Ostrich

a virtuous woman - Eland was interested in finding a wifey. Apparently he is no longer interested in a virtuous woman. He got very mad when Laura wrote his name on Sister Todd'ss nethervoid.

active pointing - less than a poke, more than a point. It involves thrusting and almost making contact.

appalachia - it reminds me of TriBeCa because it's mountainous

apple sex - you dig out the core and you penetrate. it's not as easy as it sounds, but it's way more fun

asha - laura's ex-roommate. she fell on her bottom then moved out

aural sex - taking it in the ear

babysitting - i don't really do this anymore now that i have kids of my own

banana republic - i just love shopping here

bart-thrusting - you pick bart up by the feet and thrust him head-first into a wall

beefcakes - a cake made of both regular cake ingredients and beef

berenstein bears - i think they're cute

bikini waxes - i don't want to have too many feathers preventing ingress to my cunt

brawny - thte paper towel brand

butt-mangling - buts + meat grinders = butt-mangling

catholic-mewing - approaching catholics and imitating a cat. also imitating a cat and having a catholic come out of your beak instead of a cat-sound

cave-dwelling - living like osama

cher - she smells like me

child-loving - do love them, EVEN little girls with bows

compound verbs - i don't like to verb just any noun. I like to be specific. You won't catch me Bart-mewing or Catholic-thrusting, for instance

dancing - this bird does the lambada!

deuteronomy - it's my favorite book of the Bible

doppelgangers - Cher is my own

duct work - If I weren't interested in this, the denizens of my cunt would never have fresh air to breathe

eetheloping - going to an ethiopian restaurant

emus - like my daughter

episcopalian-farting - like catholic-mewing, i either fart ON episcopalians or I actually emit them from my bunghole in a gust

fork-nubbing - i like to put small bumps on forks

gigi - she is big and pretentious and goes to georgetown

hortense - it's a name i like

hotards - they are a bus line in the south

jordache - It's one of my favorite brands

jurisprudence - I get sued a lot.

ky marmalade - jelly is too sweet

mary queen of scots - we're very similar

mattman65, mattmiller.net - he graduated. only i understood him

meat snacks - like beef cakes and beef jerky and spam and pork rinds. I love them all

melissa, melissa faith lang, melissafaithlang - she's a nice girl

middle schools - i have one (in my cunt)

moas - they are extinct ratites even bigger than ostriches

moe - my favorite stooge

monks - they fathered my son Urban

mormon-kissing - i kiss mormons or while kissing anything else, a mormon develops.

morsels - i like my food in small portions. I eat like a bird.

my own cunt - it's true

neil diamond - he has a soulful voice that is particularly pleasing to me

non-pants-wearing - i don't wear pants all the time. there's no point really

oddly-gazing - oddly is an oddly-shaped girl and i look at her

opium - i smoke this

orinthology - the study of birds

ostrich porn - ostriches without clothes on, especially when engaged in sex

oxycontin - i like this drug too

palestine - Jessica Lynch lives there

pants - i wear 'em

part-licking - if you lick someone's part in their hair, it tastes like ice cream

peas-making - like jimmy carter, i am known for my way with legumes

polytechnic institutes - rensselaer is my favorite. worcester is my least favorite

pope john paul ii - he is a good pope. he's the best pope there is.

pubic arms - also known as a "prehensile wang"

public hair - this is the hair you let people see

pussy - refers to the cat, i assure you

ramen-spewing - if you eat too much ramen, you might throw it up. or if you are sick, you might throw up and out comes ramen

ratites - ratites are flightless birds with flat breastbones. examples are the ostrich, the emu, the rhea, the cassowary, and the kiwi

rheas - a type of ratite

rubbers - sometimes i fuuck things with them. sometimes i fuck things withtout them

shang - i raped him

shifting - ShIfTiNG CAn LOOk lIKE ThIS or it can mean changing position slightly

shirts - I wear them after I cut the boobs out

shit-mongering - that's the false patriotism republicans displayed after September 11

sickle sue anemia - my least favorite disease

smegmatt sniffing - smegmatt is a fat loser who tried to fuck my friend and he smells awful

smoop-waddling - when you get an operation to have your boobs and your feet switched, and then you go for a walk

spoon-throttling - you shake it real hard

stolers - everything that Flotsam Gregory can't handle in-house, I outsource to a division of Stoler & Stoler Ubiquity

supernumerary teats - that means you have more than 2

sushi-lying - you order it, and when they bring it, you yell "I LIED" and run out of the store

the gap - I shop here

war - sometimes I'm a Republican

yellow 6 - it's like yellow 5, but gives things an oranger look