Uncle Stanley-Bob is a diva, a rake, and an octopus. He blorbs and bangs on pots and pans at the bbc, he's constantly getting arrested and escaping, and he once lead 700 mollusks on the lam and then proceeded to cook them into calamari and sell them on the blackmarket. He only deals in the currency "barrels of fish" and has stolen both a brewery and a bondage set from Kmart for me. He's constantly suing me for saying he's afraid of little girls with bows. He thinks it's funny to include humor in telegrams, and I hate it.
Millicent is my daughter and she is an emu chick. She used to be an ovum, but she got fertilized by my uncle and kept cell-dividing into the impudent child she is. She used to be nice young lady, but she was sullied by being babysat by my uncle and my fornicting friends. She's been to charm school for rudeness and to concentration camp for whoring herself, and she was once engaged to a city pigeon, but she caught him necking with a goose.
Urban is my pious little son, born because of a jizz-spilling accident in the sperm bank next to the monastery in my cunt. He's young and innocent and good-hearted and nothing like his sister.
Promethio is my vain musk-ox half-brother. We were not raised together but we bonded as soon as we were reunited when my uncle, by chance, ran into him in jail (Promethio was there for masturbating with Lynne Cheney's leg).
Bethany is my retarded step-cousin who, while at an asylum in the Netherlands, died from eating too many urinal cakes, horrid pastries they are. She was a sweet, loving bird--the daughter of one of my Uncle's prostrichtute exwives--and I miss her very much.
Flotsam Gregory is my manservant and manager, personal assistant, stylist, and do-everything man. He was recently promoted to God and to being the CEO of Stoler & Stoler Ubiquity.
Stoler & Stoler Ubiquity is the company I love. They are, as their name implies, ubiquitous. I use Stoler & Stoler Consulting, Stoler & Stoler Attorneys at Law, Stoler & Stoler Cleaning Services, Stoler & Stoler Gynecology, and more.