face it. everyone is a nerd.
especially everyone who takes these online quizzes. so you might as well figure out what KIND of nerd you are.

i can help you!

you have an hour of free time. you:

read a chapter of the book of which i am in the middle.
work on some neat math brain teasers.
turn on ESPN to see if there is any football on.
mill around in the kitchen, thinking of concoctions to make.
knock on the door of the cute boy/girl you met in the elevator last week, and seduce, seduce, seduce.
listen to music, of course. or read about music. or play music. mmm. music.
fool around online. check away messages. play with your website. email.
uhhh...i dunno. sleep?


you are accosted by a man on the street. he demands your wallet. you:

disparagingly quote John Donne at him until he goes away. and he will.
mentally calculate the precise amount of time it would take you to get to complete safety if you ran at 6.0 miles per hour and he ran at 5.3.
say "OOOUUUUUUUR!!!!" and hit him with your burly footballman arms. no one's gonna take your wallet! it has beer money in it! and your frat card! and 6 condoms!
offer to make him dinner instead. you know your garlic bread can convert any wallet-taking psycho to an apologetic, kindly psycho.
offer to give him a blow job instead. you are the best in the business.
can't help humming the tune of a modest mouse song under your breath, even at this inopportune moment.
make a mental note to detail this event in your blog later.
...get really scared and give him the wallet.


your dream lover:

understands postmodernism and gives good criticism. oooh.
can recite pi to the thirteenth-thousandth digit. or ideally, the thirteenth-thousandth-and-first digit. drool.
loves sports, especially football!
loves all different kinds of food and can eat the 549876 calories i cook a day and not get fat.
dream lover? just one? what about dream lovers? anyway, i am by no means choosy.
listens to the same music i do and can spend up to seven hours in one record store, happily browsing.
checks my website daily, sometimes thrice daily. guestbook signing is a plus. so is effusive flattering of the javascript skills.
is mariah carey. i dunno.



do you believe in life after love?

isn't that a cher quote? you didn't cite it using MLA standards. for shame!
well, according to my calculations, love is not a fatal illness
real men don't love.
well, i only love food. and after i eat it, it is gone, and not alive anymore. so no.
ha! love? i believe in life after sex.
what a stupid song. i only listen to good music, like the vines. and the hives. and the white stripes. cher? PLEASE.
who knows, but if you search for that phrase on google, you can find cher porn!
um, i guess.


what is your gym behavior?

i bring a few books to read while i do the treadmill.
i do 3 minutes on the ellipitical, 5 on the treadmill, 7 on the bike, 11 on the stair climber, 13 of weightlifting, 17 more on the elliptical, 19 more on the treadmill, 23 more on the bike...you get the picture. i work out in prime numbers.
i do everything! i live at the gym. my muscles are big, big, big.
i think about all the food i am working off.
i flirt. with everyone. my workout outfit is either a sportsbra and gstring, or a jockstrap with the front cut out.
i have to bring a diskman. i can't deal with the bad music they broadcast over the loudspeakers.
i like to use the bike that has internet access.
i work out. just like a normal person.



what are your friends always telling you?

"we love you, but lighten up. sometimes you can be really pretentious."
"life is not a math problem!"
"can we ever do something besides sit in your room and watch football?"
"thanks for making me dinner!"
"hey... i like you, but NOT in that way! stop sitting on my lap!"
"i have no idea which band you are talking about."
"your away messages sure are nutty!"
"whats up?"


which movie character do you relate to the most?

movies! i do not watch such things. ask me what literary character i relate to instead. then you will receive an answer.
the protagonist of "pi."
dawson (ok, so his real name is james vanderbeek, but he is dawson) in "varsity blues."
i don't watch movies. i cook movies. i mean...
anyone in "kids." and not because i am young.
the protagonist of "high fidelity."
someone in "hackers."
will smith in "the legend of baggar vance," otherwise known as "the golf movie."



what would you do if your friend spilled an entire beer on your shirt?

go home and console myself i "catcher in the rye"
go home and console myself in trigonometry
laugh and drink it from the fabric. yum!
fret that it wasn't even a GOOD kind of beer.
give him a blow job. DUUUH! what else is there to do?
go home and write a song about it
warn him to 100% on aim. this is war.
hm. spill one on him?




ok. so what is the truth about stacey?

it is book number three of the babysitters' club series, by ann m. martin
who knows. i bet it can't be expressed in numbers though.
...i bet it's that she liked frat guys! OOOUR!
i have no idea. want some M&M's?
i bet she was a big slut!
wow, that's a cool name for a band
i'll go look online and see if i can find out
she girl had diabetes.



what will you be doing in 10 years?

editing a prestigious literary magazine
teaching calculus at harvard...on the side.
playing football professionally. or at least watching it a lot.
owning my own restaurant. or eating a lot. yep.
getting married for the 52nd time.
still listening to good music. it doesn't matter what my job is as long as i have a lot of cd's. or records.
designing/programming webpages. eep.
um. stuff.