you are going to die.
i'll tell you how.
i'm so nice!

what are you doing right now?

sipping on a beer
holding a cigarette, waiting to go smoke it
thinking about how sad i am
iming people in big colorful fonts saying "A/S/L?????"
forgetting susan's birthday.


which is the most difficult:

making it through a weekend without getting drunk once
sitting through an entire class without a cigarette break.
not taking the entire bottle of tylenol in my medicine cabinet, to end this once and for all
abstaining from talking to strangers on the subway or at the supermarket
remembering to email susan now and then.


what is the last thing you emitted?:

pee. a lot of it.
mucus. i coughed.
blood. from my veins.
a loud hyena giggle.
hate in the direction of a certain ostrich.



which song can you most relate to?:

99 bottles of beer on the wall
on top of old smokey
i hate myself and i want to die [nirvana]
anything by aerosmith
the i hate avians song [susan haters anon.]


you are trying to cross the street at 3 am on a friday. why do you get hit by a bus?

i'm stumbling and falling over and unaware of my surroundings.
i dropped my cigs and i had to run back and pick them up, even though the light changed
i was lying down in the middle of the road.
i'm not sure... but isn't that a group of my friends behind the wheel?
susan paid a hitman to get me.



which would you rather do?

drink pee
inhale benzene
hang myself
talk during a movie, about nothing important
make an ostrich burger out of sue.


something special about you:

i've tried every type of beer ever made.
i've smoked every brand of cigarette ever made.
i've tried to kill myself in every way possible
no one can stand to talk to me for more than five minutes at a time
i once tried to harpoon stanley-bob.



cigar?

can i have some sort of drink instead?
yay! let me try one!
can it kill me if i eat it?
will you love me if i have one?
only if susan doesn't approve.




react to the word "ostrich":

is that a new brand of beer?
i can blow a picture of an ostrich with smoke
oh, the happy existance of an animal that is not me
will it like me?
hate. hate. hate.