butts come in all shapes, sizes, and moods.

if you were a butt, what type would you be??
no one will find this as amusing as i do. hee.



when you were a wee tot, you:

had lots of friends and giggled often.
had violent mood swings between joy and misery.
did lots of homework.
were very, very quiet.
loved being looked at.
beat up other kids
smelled everything. including pee.


love is:

fun and wonderful!
a rollercoaster. or a water slide.
nothing more than biology.
unknown by me, for now.
lots of adoring fans.
violence, blood, and passion.
sweet-smelling. like strawberries.


which shoes are you most likely to wear?

hot pink platforms. with white feathers. and glitter.
one brown sandal. one purple sneaker.
penny loafers.
something generic and unnoticable.
black patent-leather thigh-high boots.
combat boots.
those scratch-and-sniff sneakers.



underwear?

victoria's secret. probably pink. satin.
it depends on my mood. i'm a fan of the 'boxer-brief' though.
white. cotton. boxers.
cotton, nothing too flashy.
none at all.
black leather.
it stinks!


what is your favorite activity?

dancing at a club
sometimes i like to ready quietly. sometimes i like to strip.
reading math books.
watching movies.
acting.
beer-drinking and gun-shooting.
sticker collecting. i like the smelly ones.



how is your butt?

big and squishy
it's difficult to say for sure.
very angular.
fine thanks, and yours?
exciting and wonderful. all eyes are on it!
none of your damn business! die!
it has odors.


how was your day?

great!
it had its ups and downs.
i got a lot of things done.
pretty average.
filled with drama and intrigue and funny events!
painful and gory.
i stopped and smelled the roses. and the daisies. and my neighbor's car. and that farm. and edie...



your friend just called and asked if you'd mind babysitting her four hamsters, three cats, two dogs, and one son for the weekend. you:

jump at the chance to have such a fun weekend!
can't decide whether or not you want to do this.
say no, because you have other, much more important, things to do.
halfheartedly say okay.
regretfully decline, because you have 3984 prior commitments.
giggle sadistically and think of the wonderful soup you are going to make from your wee charges.
ask if the hamsters smell bad.




when is the last time you cried?

i never cry
last night
crying is not a useful activity. so i shan't admit to doing it.
within the past month
when i was in a made for tv movie, and my character wept.
when my last victim got away.
when i smelled a rotten egg. meep!



what is your favorite shape?

circle or sphere.
trapezoid... or square...or circle...or oval... dammit!
square. definitely the good ol' square.
i like them all. as long as we are talking two-dimensional shapes.
the cube. it is soooo multifaceted.
whichever one causes the most pain!
what do shapes smell like?


all material copyright laura podolnick 2002-2010

laura
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